Mirror Mirror

Bottom Line: Mirror Mirror on the wall…actually it’s off the wall and deliberately annoying.

Directed by: Tarsem Singh
Starring: Armie Hammer, Julia Roberts, Lily Collins, Mare Winningham, Michael Lerner, Nathan Lane, Sean Bean

Disney’s Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs is THE universal example of a childhood favorite. One who has not seen it at least twice before the age of eight is quite simply a poor excuse for a human being. It’s too bad the year of its seventy-fifth anniversary happened to be the year Walt Disney Pictures went to hell. John Carter bombed enough to put chairman Rich Ross out of business; uproar began when the company acquired Lucasfilm and began diabolical plans for another Star Wars trilogy; etc. Only to top it off, an insult to their beloved classic, known as Mirror Mirror. Perhaps I’m the only one who seems to believe the double-talk title is an apt representation of the repetitive, obnoxious plot. Unfortunately, young children are the huge bull’s eye to this film’s schlocky sort of charm. If parents decide to raise their kids with this debacle, then perhaps December 21st (also the very day Snow White was released in 1937) will see the world’s end.

I just can’t imagine K-Stew’s Snow White getting much worse.

Mirror Mirror is an abysmal festival of ADHD, fashion, screeching (way to get an audience’s attention), and routine. It’s like that little bratty girl who does the rudest, most annoying to get your attention; similarly, I’d strongly advise ignoring the film. There’s a huge lack of clarity here. A major example: of what genre is the film? It seems like a comedy, but I evoked not a single chuckle, and half the “jokes” are double entendres no kid would possibly comprehend. There’s a good amount of vocabulary here, also, if any child cares to learn new words from pure entertainment. I noticed Julia Roberts employing the words “pretentious” and “digress” within the first minute of the film. How sad that the former word describes the film perfectly, partially as a result of a lot of need for the latter word. Again, it’s supposed to be humorous, I guess. Mirror Mirror is also unclear as to when exactly it takes place. The costumes appear to represent those somewhere between the 13th and 18th centuries, but I can’t imagine William Wallace and George Washington saying “yeah right” or knowing what a “pinky swear” was.

The characters remain only somewhat faithful to Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and the Grimm tale on which it was based. Snow White (Lily Collins) is depicted as neither beautiful nor smart. On the other hand, the Queen (solid-enough Julia Roberts) displays both qualities, or at least her narcissistic narration seems to believe in such. When presenting to an audience who is too young to distinguish between good and evil, I’m not quite sure it’s such a good idea to make the evil Queen seem admirable. I shudder to think that anything about the film was dissembled to look admirable.

D MINUS

7 thoughts on “Mirror Mirror

  1. I’m with mark as far as the Trailer goes, but unfortunately I’m with you on my opinion of the movie. I personally blame Tarsem Singh, who I’ve always felt is a completely overrated director who choses style over substance at every turn. The switch between his previous movie “Immortals” and this was strange to say the least, but neither ended up being enough to change my opinion of him

    • You’re right!! I never saw Immortals, but I did read all the hate, most of which was for being so damn flashy. Between Tarsem Singh and Baz Luhrmann–the style-over-substance technique gets on my nerves so badly. I hope they’re just relatives so we won’t have to worry about them gathering disciples and turning the cinema into filmed theater.

  2. Yeah, I didn’t really care for this movie. It wasn’t at all funny even though it tried so damn hard, and in the end, the only one who had me chuckle even the closest bit was Hammer, who really seems like he’s spraining himself for a laugh. Poor guy. Oh well, at least he’ll most likely have a successful career. Good review.

    • Hammer? You mean MC Hammer? He probably wasn’t in this film, but if he was, I’m not at all surprised. 😉

      I did have one laugh. I’ll give it that. It was right before the credits, when there was a title sequence explaining what the dwarfs did afterward. I let out a faint chuckle when the film mentioned the dwarf named Grimm went on to document his adventure as a fairy tale. Far too late in the excruciating debacle to break me down into a riotous hoot.

  3. When I originally saw the trailer, I was expecting the worst. Imagine my surprise when I actually walked out of this kind of enjoying it. Storywise it’s nothing spectacular. I’ll admit the script plays with tradition in a way that’s annoying. However the sets, costumes and lighthearted touch go a long way into making this moderately enjoyable. I even laughed a few times…in places where I was supposed to.

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