Bottom Line: John Carter is frivolous fun.
Directed by: Andrew Stanton
Starring: Daryl Sabara, Lynn Collins, Taylor Kitsch, Willem Dafoe
As I was a bit nonplussed by how downright absurd Disney’s John Carter was, I’ve decided to reciprocate in an equally bizarre fashion: writing my review as a stream of limericks.
At one point, Walt Disney seemed smarter
Than Fox or the brothers named Warner;
But they had to grow dark
And kill off all their spark–
Most recent example: John Carter.
Our hero, a Martian from Earth,
Is nicknamed by his place of birth;
Then he pursues a girl,
A princess of that world,
Our faces all light up with mirth.
However, the film is exciting.
With popcorn, it’s greatly delighting.
It is such fun pleasure
(Leave IQ unmeasured)
Even if it needs much better writing.
Though based on a series of books,
It’s colorful style that hooks;
And to this, all regards
Are thus paid from the start:
John Carter is much about looks.
The visuals are carefully done.
With chroma and shape do they run.
Though a trifling schlock
With clichés in a flock,
John Carter is frivolous fun.