Obstruction #1

The5ObstructionsBlogathon1 (1)

I have taken part in a blogathon created by Nostra over at Myfilmviews.  It’s called the 5 Obstructions, and the idea is inspired by a documentary of the same name (which I’d never heard of).  The idea is to break out of your comfort zone as a film blogger, once a month for five months.

Obstruction 1 went up June 1st.  The idea is:

Obstruction1

So here I go.  I shall now negatively review Fargo, a movie I love half to death.  (If you want my actual review, please click here.)

Please note that since this won’t count as “Review No. 494,” as it is more of an “I’m completely joking about how I feel about this film,” as opposed to an “I’m being dead-serious about how I feel about this film.” Also, I haven’t seen the movie since January, when I re-watched it on Blu-Ray, so my “review” may not be as good as it may have been when I’d just watched it. Plus, I’m writing the exact opposite of what I feel, so it’s not going to be that great anyway. Still, lots of fun to write. Anyway, here it is (hit the jump).

I don’t know if I should be pitying the Coen brothers, or if I should be criticizing them for wasting my time and money. All I know is, Fargo doesn’t “go far” at all with effort. The movie is a mess.

All right, the story is good. I’ll give it that. It’s a quirky crime flick about a pregnant cop investigating a murder, committed by a talkative guy and a guy who can’t wait for the talkative guy to shut up. But this movie takes a risk as a “crime-comedy-thriller.” Yes, it’s about crime. Fine. As far as comedy, it tortured me more than it tortured my lungs. And I wasn’t thrilled at all, so why and how it’s a “thriller,” is beyond me

A word about Frances McDormand: Was that accent supposed to be funny, yahh? Does she know she sounds like a Canadian, yahh? (We only know she’s from Missouri or North Dakota or something like that, because she has a cop car, not a Zamboni, yahh.) Does she know she says “yahh” like it’s goin’ out of style, yahh? Does she ever get the notion that she’s overusing “yahh,” yahh? Yahh. I think she does, yahh. I mean, she won an Academy Award, yahh. Not sure why, but getting the notion that she’s overusing the word “yahh” is probably a small step toward reason, yahh.

Yahh.

Anyway. The characters are completely inconsistent here. I guess the woodchipper scene was supposed to be some sort of twist ending, even though the long-awaited ending came ten minutes later. For the entire movie, the quiet guy (an actor I didn’t recognize, which is probably good explanation as to why he couldn’t act) was smart, and the obnoxious, talkative guy (Steve Buscemi in his worst role) was dumb. Now the obnoxious, talkative guy is dead, and the quiet guy is feeding him through a woodchipper? That’s the definition of dumb. For those who didn’t know, the proper way of disposing a body in a crime movie is by zipping it up in a body bag and hauling it into the back of your car. You just don’t let the woodchipper have lunch because your car’s not nearby.

It’s possible that’s how they dispose of bodies in North Dakota. Hell, it’s possible this is all in their culture. I mean, this was prefaced with “based on a true story.” But if so, I’m scared to go vacationing in North Dakota. Or South for that matter, because it shares a border with North Dakota. That said, Fargo is a lame excuse for a crime movie, and–contrary to its pretentious claims–it’s not a comedy, nor is it a thriller. My best guess of any remotely encompassed subgenre would be mockumentary. As in it’s telling you a story that’s sorta-kinda like a documentary (hence the “based on a true story,” right?), while it’s actually trying to warn you to stay away from North Dakota. If that’s accurate, then mission accomplished. Unless you happen to live in North Dakota, in which case you may start a mad riot in 3, 2…just start a mad riot already.

EDITOR’S NOTE: I made myself sound like an idiot on purpose. Yes, I know a mockumentary is not as I described it, and there was much else in McDormand’s role other than her intentional native accent to qualify her for an Oscar. I made myself sound like an idiot because, in my mind, the person who would write a scathing review for Fargo is probably an idiot. Though if that’s you, I’m a) very sorry, b) very sorry for you, and c) still with respect for you.

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6 thoughts on “Obstruction #1

  1. I like how you went over the top with the hatred for Fargo. Calling Peter Stormare “the quiet guy” was also a fun way to make the review sound idiotic like you mention. Sadly, this isn’t that far off from some writing that’s out there on great films like Fargo. Nice job!

    • I know. And I can’t help but feel like they’re idiots. Forgive me if anyone in the anti-Fargo camp should happen to read this, but in my eyes, feeling the way I pretended to feel about Fargo just shows that you can’t understand comedy universally. Newsflash: the movie is hilarious.

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