The Oscar Throwback, 2003

February 29, 2004

“The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King” named Best Picture

lord_of_the_rings_the_return_of_the_king

Full list of Oscars won:

BEST ART DIRECTION-SET DECORATION

– What else was nominated?

Girl with a Pearl Earring
Seabiscuit
The Last Samurai
Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World

– Which of the nominations have I seen and which have I not seen?

I’ve seen Seabiscuit and Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World.

– Which deserved to win (first choice and runner-up)?

All right, all right, Peters.  Jackson (The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King), you’ve beaten Weir (Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World) for looks, and long titles, if nothing more.

– How sane was the Academy when they handed this award over?

Spot-on, which is amazing, considering we’re talking, y’know Lord of the Rings.  The Academy endorses the overratings.

BEST COSTUME DESIGN

– What else was nominated?

(see last category)

– Which of the nominations have I seen and which have I not seen?

(see last category)

– Which deserved to win (first choice and runner-up)?

(see last category)

– How sane was the Academy when they handed this award over?

(see last category)

BEST DIRECTOR (PETER JACKSON)

– What else was nominated?

Lost in Translation – Sofia Coppola
Mystic River – Clint Eastwood
City of God – Fernando Meirelles
Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World – Peter Weir

– Which of the nominations have I seen and which have I not seen?

Lost in Translation and the long-titled movie that didn’t win.

– Which deserved to win (first choice and runner-up)?

Y’know, Sofia Coppola can’t act (The Godfather Part III), but she can indeed direct.  Better than Peter Weir, and it shouldn’t have to matter that she can direct far better than Peter Jackson.  (By the way, this is his last Lord of the Rings film, so unless King Kong or The Lovely Bones got anything, feel lucky…punk.)

– How sane was the Academy when they handed this award over?

Sexist, I’d say.  Took them six years to get over it.  God!

SHOULD HAVE WON!

BEST FILM EDITING

– What else was nominated?

City of God
Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World
Cold Mountain
Seabiscuit

– Which of the nominations have I seen and which have I not seen?

Seabiscuit and the long-titled movie that lost to the other long-titled movie.

– Which deserved to win (first choice and runner-up)?

Seabiscuit.  It’s a period piece, and well-made.  Ditto Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World.

– How sane was the Academy when they handed this award over?

Go back to school, Academy.  Learn some history, since these well-made period pieces didn’t suit you.

SHOULD HAVE WON!

BEST MAKEUP

– What else was nominated?

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World

– Which of the nominations have I seen and which have I not seen?

Both are ones that I have indeed watched.

– Which deserved to win (first choice and runner-up)?

Well, they both have long titles, and neither one is Peter Jackson’s.  Let’s go with Peter Weir’s as the runner-up.

– How sane was the Academy when they handed this award over?

Lopsided.  (Honestly.)

SHOULD HAVE WON!

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE

– What else was nominated?

Big Fish
Cold Mountain
House of Sand and Fog
Finding Nemo

– Which of the nominations have I seen and which have I not seen?

The first and last listed.

– Which deserved to win (first choice and runner-up)?

All right, all right, all right.  I do like the score for the unmentionable long-titled movie.  Enough to make a Tim Burton movie (Big Fish) runner-up.  And to kick a Pixar movie off the list.

– How sane was the Academy when they handed this award over?

Spot-on, quite honestly.

BEST ORIGINAL SONG (“Into the West” by Fran Walsh, Howard Shore & Annie Lennox)

– What else was nominated?

Mighty Wind – “A Kiss at the End of the Rainbow” by Michael McKean & Annette O’Toole
Cold Mountain – “You Will Be My Ain True Love” by Sting
Cold Mountain – “Scarlet Tide” by T Bone Burnett & Elvis Costello
The Triplets of Belleville – “Belleville Rendez-vous” by Benoît Charest & Sylvain Chomet

– Which of the nominations have I seen and which have I not seen?

Umm…none…other than The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

– Which deserved to win (first choice and runner-up)?

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King…I don’t remember the song…but I won’t listen to any of these…simply because I don’t know how they fit the movie…yeah.

– How sane was the Academy when they handed this award over?

Spot-on…this is pretty embarrassing…I feel like I should’ve seen Cold Mountain…by now…right?

BEST PICTURE

– What else was nominated?

Lost in Translation
Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World
Mystic River
Seabiscuit

– Which of the nominations have I seen and which have I not seen?

Haven’t seen Mystic River.

– Which deserved to win (first choice and runner-up)?

Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World.  Then: Lost in Translation.  Sad that I enjoyed The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King enough to recommend it, yet it’s so overrated, it’s at the bottom (right above Mystic River, which I guess it doesn’t drown in).

– How sane was the Academy when they handed this award over?

Not very much, I can tell ya that much.  Either that, or the three and a half hours made it more memorable than any two- or two-and-a-half-hour movie on the rest of the list.

SHOULD HAVE WON!

BEST SOUND MIXING

– What else was nominated?

The Last Samurai
Seabiscuit
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World

– Which of the nominations have I seen and which have I not seen?

Haven’t seen The Last Samurai.

– Which deserved to win (first choice and runner-up)?

I’d really like to watch Seabiscuit again with surround sound just to hear that horse gallop.  As for the runner-up, I’ll just give it to The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King since I can’t decide which of the last two listed had better mixing of “sea sounds.”  (Yeah, somebody buy me an “OCD Horn” I really could use it at times like this.  “Sea sounds?”  Yes, honestly!)

– How sane was the Academy when they handed this award over?

They did well, but they should have recognized Seabiscuit like that movie recognized the horse.

SHOULD HAVE WON!

BEST VISUAL EFFECTS

– What else was nominated?

Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

– Which of the nominations have I seen and which have I not seen?

Seen ’em all!

– Which deserved to win (first choice and runner-up)?

I actually don’t see a problem with the visuals in The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King.  Then again, is there anything else in the series other than technical aspect?  After that, I’d instantly go to Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World.  I don’t remember the other sea-set movie looking other than “put me in 3-D” good.

– How sane was the Academy when they handed this award over?

Accurate.  Very accurate.

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY

– What else was nominated?

American Splendor
City of God
Mystic River
Seabiscuit

– Which of the nominations have I seen and which have I not seen?

Only seen that last one.

– Which deserved to win (first choice and runner-up)?

This is where I go berserk.  There was no screenplay in The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, let alone The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, or even The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers.  I use the full titles because I want it to be realized how J.R.R. Tolkien tosses in his grave until he’s gone so ape(bleep) that all the dirt above him is sifted.  Yes, even if it means me mentioning the films that blasphemed his books by making them look like “just a drug trip.”  Nothing more.  Not a single thing more, damn it!  Seabiscuit deserved this Oscar, not–okay, Tolkien, I won’t, I won’t mention it again, I promise.  And if not Seabiscuit, then Brian Helgeland, because although I have no damn clue who he might be without looking him up, he’s working for Clint Eastwood, who is a great director, and Mystic River is adapted from Denis Lehane, who is a great novelist.  So there.

– How sane was the Academy when they handed this award over?

As if the above hath no subtext…whatsoever!  (By the way, I’m not pissed off as I write this in person.  Do I deserve an Oscar?  Or would I need to perform?  And let someone sane decide?  I thought so.)

SHOULD HAVE WON!

Other nominations:

None, thank god.  Now it’s time for a break.

Tomorrow

Charlie Chaplin

&

An Unannounced Post

Enjoy my post? Please share it using one of the buttons below!
Advertisements

One thought on “The Oscar Throwback, 2003

Comments are closed.