Coming Soon: Review #700

Hey all,

I know, I know, I’m posting at an unusual time. For some of you, that’s also an inopportune time, and I caused your smartphone to go off in the middle of church, I apologize. If the preacher asks to to apologize for interrupting the service…you’re on your own.

Anyway, I know it was just yesterday that the 657th review went up. But yesterday was also the day I wrote and scheduled my 691st review.

700’s a good number. Kind of like 600 or 500. It’s high up and it ends in two zeroes. I don’t think I did much at all for my 600th review (I think that one was Brokeback Mountain), but my 500th was Eraserhead, which was the cult movie y’all voted on for me to review.

I’ll leave it all up to you guys this time. How should I go about my 700th review? Feel free to let me know how I should write it, what kind of movie, or both, perhaps.

There are a few simple guidelines:
– I will not review anything that is pornographic or currently holds an NC-17 rating.
– I will not write a parody to another song and fit it for the movie’s purpose. I’ve done it way too much. If you’re not sure what I’m talking about, see my review of The Color of Money.
– I will not review anything considered to be a short film. Because I generally don’t. Same thing with direct-to-DVD releases and movies only available on YouTube.
– I will not write the review as a single haiku or a single limerick. A set of haikus, maybe, but I’ve already done a set of limericks.
– I will not review anything unless its full details are on the IMDb.
– I will not write my review as several bullet points regarding my feelings on the film. Those are called notes, and they happen during the movie for me.
– I will not review anything currently in theaters.

In other words, just make sure it’s what I’d call an “actual movie,” and make sure it’s available on home video.

Submit any ideas to, and have a good Sunday!

–The Cinemaniac