Exodus: Gods and Kings

Could it be–a movie that sucks just as badly as its title, and almost as badly as its use of 3-D?  Quite possibly, I’m afraid.  Period pieces rarely are as unconvincing as this.  The hokey “Gods and Kings” subtitle isn’t your only reminder that this is really a Hollywood production from 2014, because there’s also the fact that everyone looks like an actor rehearsing for maybe the second time on the set of a community play.  Also, why does everybody here have either a fake-British or New York accent?  Egyptians might sound like that today, but certainly not back in the time of the Old Testament.  I’m not gonna hop on that “Egyptians shouldn’t be portrayed by white people” bandwagon, but if that’s your reason not to see it, more power to you.  And I will hop on any existing “Christian Bale looks like a modest tourist among a crowd of unexplainably flashy individuals” bandwagon.  Seriously, enjoying this movie requires that you buy into a theory that everyone in this movie belongs to the upper-class, loves makeup, and has never even heard of the Book of Exodus.  Especially King Ramses.  God, what an annoying fellow that king is.