Jason X

Quite possibly a major influence on the career of Uwe Boll.
Movie Review #1,021


New Line Cinema
Horror, Sci-Fi, Thriller
1 hour, 31 minutes
Rated R (strong horror violence, language and some sexuality)
Released April 26, 2002
Directed by Jim Isaac
Characters by Victor Miller
Written by Todd Farmer
Starring Kane Hodder, Lexa Doig, Jeff Geddis, David Cronenberg, Marcus Parilo, Jonathan Potts, Lisa Ryder, Dov Tiefenbach, Chuck Campbell, Melyssa Ade, Boyd Banks, Barna Moricz, Dylan Bierk, Todd Farmer, and Peter Mensah

When a guy like James Isaac decides to make a movie about Jason Voorhees terrorizing people in space, you feel a burning urge to question the guy like a customs agent. I can cut somebody some slack when they’ve obviously lost their mind, but Isaac is so lazy that he clearly didn’t like trying to find where he must have used it last.

Of course, we know where he last used his noggin. ‘Twas 1991, when Isaac was the project supervisor for David Cronenberg’s “Naked Lunch”. And before that, the dude who designed creatures in “The Fly”, “Gremlins”, and “Return of the Jedi”. All of which, by the way, are great films. I guess “Jason X” is, too, if you look at it as a comedy. And quite often, you have to wonder if that was the intention. You don’t make a screenplay this self-aware for no reason.

You’re already at the third paragraph of this review, and undoubtedly, you’re still wondering the same thing as you were in the first sentence: just why might Jason Voorhees be in space? It’s quite interesting, actually. See, when you have a serial killer on the loose, the first thing you want to do is bring him (albeit without removing his mask) to a scientific laboratory so you can find out just what makes him tick. I mean, that’s what you do if he’s constantly regenerating. Right? And let’s be honest, you can kill him for the purpose of studying his ability to regenerate, but it’s safe to assume that he won’t regenerate in the lab and kill everyone in the building. Right?

Wrong! Jason kills everybody in the building. Spoilers, I guess. Anyway, Jason follows one of his victims-to-be into some sort of scientific freezer where he is frozen and is not discovered until 2455, when a professor and three of her students decide to look at this part of the building. I’m surprised it took this long for them to finally do some spring cleaning. I guess we just have to assume the most logical: that people did, in fact, go into this part of the building many times during these 455 years, and they did, in fact, notice the body, but up until now, all of them just let out a dismissive “eh” and walked out to visit some other, more interesting room in the building.

So anyway, when the students discover the body, they decide to load it onto their spaceship, because apparently they’re just visiting on Earth; apparently “Earth One” is too polluted to live on, so “Earth Two” was created. I think we can all agree that “WALL-E” showed this a lot better. You may not have seen either movie, but please just smile and nod. Or do anything, except defend “Jason X”.

I wouldn’t defend it myself if it weren’t so damn funny. The climax alone takes the cake. The “Friday the 13th” series has shown some clever ways of distracting Jason, but nothing beats setting up a virtual reality in another part of a spaceship, effectively convincing him that he is back at Camp Crystal Lake with two girls in sleeping bags begging him to smoke pot and have premarital sex. I don’t know what part of that scene made me laugh the hardest: the enthusiastically spoken line “We love premarital sex!”, or the sight of Jason effortlessly wailing the teenagers in sleeping bags against a nearby tree. It’s not every day you see that happen on Earth, let alone in outer space. These scenes don’t make the movie memorable as a whole, though. Part of me wonders if it’s a source of inspiration for Uwe Boll, but then again, part of me also wonders if Uwe Boll would remember the movie. That said, if you do indeed wish to remember doing the time warp, “Jason X” is a no-go.


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