The Ridiculous 6

23458383

This is madness! It’s madness, I tell you!
NO STARS
Movie Review #1,039

ridiculous_six

Netflix
Comedy, Western
1 hour, 59 minutes
Not Rated
Released December 11, 2015
Directed by Frank Coraci
Written by Tim Herlihy and Adam Sandler
Starring Adam Sandler, Terry Crews, Jorge Garcia, Taylor Lautner, Rob Schneider, Luke Wilson, Will Forte, Steve Zahn, Harvey Keitel, Nick Nolte, Jon Lovitz, Whitney Cummings, David Spade, Danny Trejo, Nick Swardson, Blake Shelton, Vanilla Ice, Steve Buscemi, John Turturro, and Dan Patrick

History repeats itself. In 1914, Germany gave Austria-Hungary a “blank check.” Basically, whatever Austria-Hungary decided to do, the Germans had their back. What resulted, of course, was World War I. Now, 101 years later, Netflix has given Adam Sandler a blank check of his own. The result was “The Ridiculous 6”, which is equally horrible.

The least of the movie’s sins is its horrible pacing. One might argue that Netflix doesn’t need decent pacing, because the streaming service allows viewers free reign over pausing and resuming. Which I guess is a valid argument, except if you pause “The Ridiculous 6” so that you can go grocery shopping, it’s probably not because grocery shopping is a priority. More than likely, it’s because grocery shopping is the first thing that popped into your head when you started brainstorming things you could do to take your mind off the movie. And needless to say, it’s doubtful that you’d have any desire to return to the movie once you’ve finished unloading all your groceries into their respective cabinets.

“The Ridiculous 6” is about six men who were born from the same father but each from different mothers. They set out on a journey to steal money from those who don’t deserve the money, and then to meet their father. That’s just the premise of the movie. In execution, the movie’s goal is to assist us in deciding which is more painful to watch: a burro projectile shitting whenever he meets somebody new, or an obnoxious Taylor Lautner obsessing over his number-one pastime, which is fornicating with cantaloupes. I myself wonder if the movie is trying to make us laugh, roll our eyes, or unleash a brutal rage upon the screen. I can tell you which one of those it’s not.

The cast of “The Ridiculous 6” is absolutely horrendous. There’s nothing amazing about the film, except for the fact that Jon Lovitz is the least annoying cast member. Even Harvey Keitel, John Turturro, and Steve Buscemi are unforgivably bad. (And seriously, what the hell are they even doing here? Don’t they have better things to be doing with their time?) Taylor Lautner has fallen into obscurity lately, and now he has every reason to return to that stage in his career. I almost applauded during a scene when he is finally brought to the scaffold to be lynched. Then I realized this was just another scene to exploit his character’s embarrassing, puerile antics. Adam Sandler has now reached yet another career low. You’d think his onslaught of bad “comedies” over the past several years would desensitize us to his brand of poor taste, but unfortunately, that just ain’t the case. While the rest of the gang is obnoxious and over-the-top, Sandler is flatter than a crêpe in his delivery. You can’t even call this line-reading. He speaks lines that are meant to sound heroic as if he were a man might say, “Yes, I did, in fact, purchase the two-percent milk,” upon returning from the supermarket.

“The Ridiculous 6” became controversial while it was filming back in April, when four Native Americans walked off the set. These four did the right thing. The movie glorifies prejudice to varying degrees. Less than three minutes in, we’ve already seen a sign reading “Redskins Keep Out,” and we’ve already heard Adam Sandler, clad in Native American garb, say, “I just dress like this so that I don’t get scalped out on the prairie.” To use a classic Bushism, it just gets worser and worser from there. There’s even a cringe-inducing scene where the titular folks wind up on Apache territory and start suggesting tribal names like Wears No Bra, Smoking Fox, and Poca-Hot-Tits. It’s not just Apache women who are degraded this way, though. There’s not a single Caucasian woman in this film that doesn’t seem to have massive implants. It’s rather difficult to decide whether the movie is more racist or sexist, given its depictions of Native Americans, women, and Native American women.

Let me clear this up in case you might have misread: this movie is bad. If you’ve ever watched a reenactment of the Stanford prison experiment, then you probably have an idea of how difficult it is to keep watching “The Ridiculous 6” through to the very end. Even before the film reaches its five-minute mark, it encapsulates my entire experience in a single line: “Now I do want to carve my eyes out!”

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